How Patient Are You, Really?
With people, with hard years and with the queue at the pharmacy
Patience sounds like one quality, but the research that measured it found three kinds that barely overlap. Some people are endlessly patient with a confused colleague and lose it at a red light. Others sit calmly through traffic and cannot bear a long illness or a job search that drags on. Knowing which of the three you have, and which you lack, is more useful than being told to be more patient in general.
Before you start There are no right answers. Pick what is usually true for you, not what sounds best.
Think about the last few months of ordinary life - people, delays, problems that took their time - rather than your best or worst day.
What it measures
The three types of patience in Schnitker's model: interpersonal patience with other people's pace and mistakes, patience with life hardships that last months or years, and patience with small daily hassles. It is not the same as impulsivity, which is about acting before thinking, nor resilience, which is about recovering after a blow - patience is about how calmly you wait while the frustration is still going on.
Based on: 3-Factor Patience Scale (Schnitker, 2012)
Possible results
With people
How calmly you handle other people's slowness, mistakes and repetitions.
With hard times
How calmly you wait out problems that last months or years.
With daily hassles
How calmly you take queues, traffic, delays and machines that do not work.
Common questions
Can patience be learned?
There is some encouraging evidence. In Schnitker's third study, a short training programme raised trait patience and improved mood compared with a control group. It was a single study, so treat it as a promising sign rather than proof, but it fits a wider pattern: noticing the first moment of frustration and naming what you are actually waiting for makes the wait easier to hold.
Is patience the same as self-control?
They are related but not the same. Self-control is mostly about resisting a temptation or an impulse to act. Patience, as this research defines it, is about staying calm while you wait in the face of frustration or adversity - it is closer to emotional tolerance than to restraint. You can resist every impulse and still be seething inside, which is self-control without patience.
Why am I patient with strangers but not with my family?
Because the history is different. With a stranger, a slow answer is a single event; with a parent or partner, it is the hundredth time, and you are reacting to all hundred at once. Familiarity also lowers the social cost of showing irritation. Knowing this does not excuse it, but it explains why the fix is usually about the pattern rather than the moment.
Sources
- Schnitker, S. A. (2012). An examination of patience and well-being. The Journal of Positive Psychology. doi:10.1080/17439760.2012.697185
- Schnitker, S. A., & Emmons, R. A. (2007). Patience as a virtue: Religious and psychological perspectives. Research in the Social Scientific Study of Religion (Vol. 18). doi:10.1163/ej.9789004158511.i-301.69
An honest note The items are Quinthea's own wording adapted from the 3-Factor Patience Scale, so your scores cannot be compared with the published norms. Research on patience as a trait is young: the model rests largely on a small number of studies from one research group, and it has been tested far less across cultures than traits like the Big Five. The training result comes from a single study. Patience also varies with sleep and stress, so a bad month will lower every bar.