How Strong Is Your Need to Belong?
How much you need to be part of something - and what you do to keep it
In 1995 two psychologists argued that the need to belong is as basic as hunger: people everywhere form bonds easily, resist ending them, and suffer when they are cut off. Everyone has the need, but not in the same strength. Some people are content with a couple of close ties seen now and then; others feel unsettled after a weekend without contact. This test measures how strong the pull is for you.
Before you start There are no right answers. Pick what is usually true for you, not what sounds best.
Answer about how you generally are, not about a recent move, break-up or busy month that has changed your social life for now.
What it measures
The first bar is the need to belong as measured by Leary's scale: how much you want acceptance and a place among others. The other two come from Baumeister and Leary's theory of what satisfies that need: frequent contact, and holding on to bonds once formed. This is different from the loneliness test, which asks whether your needs are currently met, and from rejection sensitivity, which is about expecting to be turned away.
Based on: Need to Belong Scale (Leary, Kelly, Cottrell & Schreindorfer, 2013); belongingness hypothesis (Baumeister & Leary, 1995)
Possible results
Need to belong
How much you want acceptance and a secure place among other people.
Frequent contact
How much you need regular, ongoing contact with the people you are close to.
Holding on to bonds
How strongly you resist letting a relationship or group come to an end.
Common questions
Is a strong need to belong the same as being extraverted?
No. The validation studies found the two are correlated but distinct: extraversion is about enjoying social stimulation and contact, while the need to belong is about wanting acceptance and a secure place. Plenty of introverts have a strong need to belong - they want a few people who are unquestionably theirs, not a busy social calendar.
Is the need to belong the same as loneliness?
No, though they interact. The need to belong is how much connection you want; loneliness is the painful gap between what you want and what you have. Someone with a strong need and a full social life is not lonely, while someone with a modest need can still be lonely if even that little is missing.
Why does being left out hurt so much?
Because, on Baumeister and Leary's account, belonging was a matter of survival for most of human history - a person cut off from the group was in real danger. The emotional system that evolved to keep us included still reacts strongly to small exclusions, like a missed invitation, even though the stakes today are far lower.
Sources
- Baumeister, R. F., & Leary, M. R. (1995). The need to belong: Desire for interpersonal attachments as a fundamental human motivation. Psychological Bulletin. doi:10.1037/0033-2909.117.3.497
- Leary, M. R., Kelly, K. M., Cottrell, C. A., & Schreindorfer, L. S. (2013). Construct validity of the Need to Belong Scale: Mapping the nomological network. Journal of Personality Assessment. doi:10.1080/00223891.2013.819511
An honest note Only the first bar corresponds to the published Need to Belong Scale, which measures a single score. The other two are related ideas from Baumeister and Leary's theory, not validated factors of the scale. All items are Quinthea's own wording, so scores cannot be compared with published norms. Most research used Western student samples. This is not a diagnosis; if feeling cut off has been painful for a long time, talking to someone you trust or a professional helps.