Which Houseplant Are You?
How much attention you need, and what happens when you do not get it
Some people thrive on neglect. Some need very particular conditions and will let you know immediately when they are not met. Ten questions and you will be assigned a houseplant that is, unfortunately, quite accurate.
Before you start There are no right answers. Pick what is usually true for you, not what sounds best.
This is a silly test with a serious middle, which is our favourite kind.
What it measures
How much care you need, how visibly you show it, and how you behave when conditions are poor. Expressed entirely in plants.
Possible results
Pothos
Almost impossible to kill, grows wherever you put it
Snake plant
Unbothered, unhurried, still going
Fern
Beautiful in the right conditions, honest about the wrong ones
Fiddle-leaf fig
Magnificent, particular, and not sorry about either
Common questions
I do not own any plants.
Neither did we when we wrote this. The plants are a metaphor for how much upkeep you need and how visibly you show it, which is the actual question underneath.
Is any of this real?
The plants are real. The psychology is not. If you want the version with research behind it, the Big Five or the self-compassion test will tell you something far more useful about how much upkeep you actually need.
An honest note This one is for fun. Enjoy it, share it, but do not plan your life around it.