What's Your Sibling Relationship Really Like?
Warmth, conflict and rivalry rarely move together the way you'd expect
Adult sibling bonds are not one thing dressed up in family loyalty - the research that measured them properly found three separate currents running through them at once: warmth, conflict and rivalry. A person can easily be high on two of the three at the same time, which is why one bar on this test rarely tells the whole story.
Before you start There are no right answers. Pick what is usually true for you, not what sounds best.
Answer about the sibling you feel closest to or think about most, if you have more than one. If you grew up without a sibling, this test isn't for you.
What it measures
The three dimensions from the Adult Sibling Relationship Questionnaire: warmth (closeness and support), conflict (friction and disagreement) and rivalry (comparison and competition). It differs from our parenting-style test, which is about how you were raised rather than your relationship with a brother or sister, and it is not about romantic or friendship dynamics.
Based on: Adult Sibling Relationship Questionnaire (Stocker, Lanthier & Furman, 1997)
Possible results
Warmth
Closeness, trust and support between you two.
Conflict
How much friction and disagreement run through the relationship.
Rivalry
How much comparison and competition run through the relationship.
Common questions
Can a sibling relationship be high in both warmth and conflict?
Yes, and it is one of the more common patterns rather than an exception. The research behind this test treats warmth and conflict as separate dimensions rather than two ends of one scale, because plenty of siblings fight often and remain each other's closest confidant - the fighting is often a sign of how much is invested in the relationship, not proof that it is failing.
Does sibling rivalry always come from the parents?
Not always, but it is a common root - being compared, even unintentionally, tends to plant a scoreboard that outlasts childhood. Rivalry can also grow later in adulthood around things parents never touched, like careers, money or whose life looks more put-together from the outside, so it is worth locating where yours actually comes from rather than assuming it is always the old family script.
Do sibling relationships change a lot across adulthood?
Often, yes. Contact and closeness tend to shift around major life events - leaving home, having children, a parent's illness or death frequently pull siblings closer or push them further apart, sometimes both at different points. A relationship that feels distant now is not necessarily a fixed verdict on the years ahead.
Sources
- Stocker, C. M., Lanthier, R. P., & Furman, W. (1997). Sibling relationships in early adulthood. Journal of Family Psychology. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.11.2.210
- Lanthier, R. P., & Campbell, A. (2011). Sibling Relationships as Opportunities for Development and Learning in Adulthood. Oxford Handbooks Online. doi:10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199736300.013.0094
An honest note These items are Quinthea's own wording, adapted from the Adult Sibling Relationship Questionnaire, so your score is not comparable to any published norm. It describes one relationship, not 'siblings' as a category, and it reflects only your side of the story at one point in time. If your sibling relationship involves ongoing abuse or estrangement, these three everyday dimensions are not built to capture that, and a counsellor or family therapist is a better resource than this test.